The Return of Lady Lazurus returnofladylazurus

You are viewing spoiledblood143

returnofladylazurus [entries|friends|calendar]
spoiledblood143

[ website | My Website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

update finally [22 Apr 2006|10:45am]
so at the request of miss ashley i am updating. yes, things are still going well. school is still going well. i love my classes except for math. but that is to be expected.

i hate work because i hate the people, but im up for pormotion and i dont have to pay any tax on it...so yeah. im okay.

jacqueline and i are looking at new places. so as you can imagine things are going well with us. i love her more than i've loved anyone or anything...well besides God and my mom. but besides them she is number 1. lol. we have our ups and downs like everyone couple. but we work through it. this past month has been the hardiest for us though. she has been really sick (im not going to say with what because she wouldn't want everyone to know. oh JOYCE if you read this, please pray for us and jacqueline's healing. i need all the prayer partners i can get) and the medicine she is on is making her have horrible mood swings. it sucks because she needs to take this medicine to help her...but i see her drifting. she can be really mean sometimes but i know she doesnt mean to so it doesnt hurt that much. she doesnt want to take the medicine because she hates when she is mean to me. she knows i understand, but she hates that she cant control her emotions because of the meds. we are going to go to her doctor to see if there are any other alternatives. even though things are hard right now, i cant remember ever being this happy with someone. i think about my last three relationships and how i convenced myself that i was happy, and i know that isnt what i am doing now. one indication of that is that i dont write about it. lol. the more i write about a relationship the more convencing i think i need. but im too busy having a relationship with jacqueline, instead of dreaming one up. but for all of you who pray...please keep us in your prayers. we need them.

my mom loves her and so does the rest of my family. im pretty sure everyone knows that we are together except for my grandmother. but i think she is just in her own world...which shouldnt surprise any of you. my mom told me that she thinks jacqueline and i balance each other out and if i had to pick a girl that she is glad that i picked her. that made me happy inside. lol.

my writing career has been placed on hold. i havent written in over a month. i think a part of it is because im happy...my writing was a way for me to escape my pain and unhappiness. but now i dont really have any. im looking for new inspirations and motivation to write. but mostly im focusing on living and not writing. i figure once my artistic aura decides it wants to wake up, it will. for now im not sweating over it. well here is your update miss ashley. hope all is well with all of you. ciao
post comment

chris and blake [18 Jan 2005|07:33pm]
im putting this on all my blogs. tomorrow and thursday, at 7 pm, im going to have a moment of silence for chris and blake. i dont have any friends in az who can understand the pain we felt last year when we lost them. so im asking for some of you to do a moment of silence at 7 pm your time, with me. i dont care where you are...i just really need a sense of...i dont want to say home. but a senese of family and togetherness like we did on those days last year. i dont ask for much support or anything from people. but i am this time. thanks. leave me a comment if you'll do it with me. thanks.



maud.
4 comments|post comment

never forget [13 Oct 2004|10:38pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]


THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998




Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

~ Shel Silverstein


Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog
1 comment|post comment

*sighs* [07 Oct 2004|11:04pm]
for those of you who are belivers(and even those of you who arent) can you do me a favor? please pray for my friend rickie's grandmother. she is in the hospital and needs all the prayer she can get. thank you.
3 comments|post comment

another one down [16 Aug 2004|01:55am]
[ mood | sad ]

told dani goodbye tonight...i wanted to cry the whole time that i was hugging her. wow...i think i miss her already. well that's another one down...

2 comments|post comment

two down [12 Aug 2004|11:49pm]
so mal and joyce are off my list.
sunday rickie, david, dani, and giselle will. im going to try and fit alex in there too. i find myself wanting to get these "goodbyes" over with now...tonight was too hard. harder then i am letting off. and i know as i keep going they will be harder. i know i will see them again...but i dont know. it is just hard for me. i wont have them there anymore...a phone/email cant replace the security i felt in knowing they were just 10-15 minutes away. *sighs* im starting to cry so im going to go now.
post comment

defying gravity [31 Jul 2004|10:23pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

wicked the musical
GLINDA
Why couldn’t you have stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle -- !

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you've
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever

ELPHABA
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy too
I hope you're proud how you would
Grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

GLINDA & ELPHABA
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy
Right now

GLINDA
Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry!

You can still be with The Wizard
What you've worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted -

ELPHABA
I know
But I don't want it - No!
I can't want it anymore

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try Defying Gravity
I think I'll try Defying Gravity
And you can't pull me down

GLINDA
Can't I make you understand
You're having delusions of grandeur?

ELPHABA
I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've Iost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy Defying Gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm Defying Gravity
And you can't pull me down!

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do - together!

Unlimited
Together we're Unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been - Glinda!
Dreams the way we planned 'em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem

GLINDA & ELPHABA
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I, Defying Gravity
With you and I Defying Gravity

ELPHABA
They'll never bring us down!

Well, are you coming?

(GLINDA decides to stay behind.)

GLINDA
I hope you're happy
I hope your happy now that your choosing this -

ELPHABA
You too--
I hope it brings you bliss

GLINDA & ELPHABA
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy my friend

ELPHABA
So if you care to find me
Look to the Western sky!
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me!

Tell them how I am Defying Gravity
I'm flying high, Defying Gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring Me Down!!

GLINDA
I hope you're happy

CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her
She's Wicked
Get her!!

ELPHABA
Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ
No One Mourns The Wicked
So we got to bring her -

ELPHABA
AHHHH!

CITIZENS OF OZ
--DOWN!

post comment

[31 Jul 2004|09:10pm]
[ mood | confused ]

swallow it down, like a jagged little pill. it feels so good, swiming in youre stomach...

post comment

poem [27 Jul 2004|10:23pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

this is the peom that made me a simi finalist in a national poetry contest. yay! oh and yes it is about heather.

Until We Meet
walking down the halls

i do nothing but think of you

i reminisce about our conversations

about how i make you smile

how i hear your voice for miles and miles

i think about how it would feel to look into your eyes

to actually see you wave hello and goodbye

i dream about your hug, your smile

the way you're face looks when you blush, and laugh out loud

i imagine the color and scent of your hair

and the type of clothes you wear when you dont care

i think of how i call you precious,and you call me sweet

how it would be heaven when we first meet

the way you make me light up and glow

makes me feel as though i were Aphordite, or some great queen

so until that day comes when we can meet

and greet as one

this will have to be our only sun

post comment

faith [24 Jul 2004|12:38am]
so im not going to go into the bad things that have been going on in my life tonight. im just going to say that God has blessed me with the best friends i could ever ask for and i dont deserve. and im no longer going to stress over the college thing. i love God (although i have seldomly shown it.) and i know he is going to help me work this out and i will be going to arizona in august and i will do it without any problems. the bible says just have faith as tiny as a mustard seed and i am.
post comment

my mom [21 Jul 2004|07:08pm]
so for the past few months my mom has been having heart problems. my mom means the world to me and it really does scare me that she isnt better yet. so i just wanted to ask you guys a favor. please take out a few moments to pray for her. thank you.
post comment

[14 Jul 2004|09:03pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again

What's wrong, What's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

Chorus:
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
There's no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside

Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you've left behind

Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

Chorus

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place, yeah

Chorus

She's lost inside
Lost inside, oh ohhh
She's lost inside
Lost inside, oh ohhh yeah

post comment

[13 Jul 2004|01:41am]
Okay, hon, it's Malory posting in..you know...YOUR journal. I had an idea or two and you weren't around to check it...so this is your layout that I came up with. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't like it. Tell me what you want changed, even down to the font. Cause i can do that. *beams*

--Mal
post comment

night on the town [11 Jul 2004|11:36pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

running through the sprinklers in the park at 11 at night embraced by smoking, singing, and video taping all of it so we never forget...dude im going to miss this.

post comment

mal and joyce [10 Jul 2004|12:26am]
[ mood | grateful ]

just got home from hanging out with mal and joyce all night. dude i love hanging with them. like when im around those two i feel kind of at home. like i dont have to hide anything from them and i just love it. somthing weird and creepy happend...pete. dude this guy almost 40 was hitting on me and shit. it was not cool. i just went out to have a smoke and then i get hit on and we talk to this guy for like an hour and we couldnt think of ways to get rid of him so finally mal was like 'sorry to break this up pete but we have to go meet someone' yay! i love mal for that 'cause i was like 'oh shit how do i get rid of him' when mal first came out i was going to pretend that she was my lesbian lover so he would go and then when joyce came we were going to do that but we didnt. damn that would have been funny. pete sang to us and it was...well it was something alright. mal got emo boy. hot sexy emo boy and i got creepy ass pitty pat pete. and we ended up talking about heather, just that he thought heather was a he and i didnt feel like correcting it. so yeah...oh well. but mal, joyce and i had a great conversation and we always do which is why i love hanging with them. i didnt want to go out today 'cause i was tired from my five hour conversation with sam until 5 in the morning (which i loved having) but i got an hour (really 50 minutes) of sleep and i was tired. but im glad that i did. im so lucky and blessed to have two amazing friends like mal and joyce. well we decided that we are going to have these cookinga nd video days, where we cook and video tape eachother so we can have memories and stuff to watch while we are all away at college. i video taped tonight and it was cool. i love random conversations with mal and joyce and you only see mal but you hear joyce's voice from the side. i love it. well i got to hang out with lil' becca and mrs. mines and i loved it. i will miss them soo much. i cant begin to even describe how much they mean to me. but they mean a lot to me and i will miss them soo much when i leave. oh i also lost $40 and im pissed and sad and everything over it becuase i had plans for that money and it just went out the drain. but whatever. i also saw faye, jen, and their mom, but they didnt see me so it was all good. well im tired and im going to go stare at my walls in hopes that i will fall asleep sometime soon.

post comment

[07 Jul 2004|10:12pm]

Your Years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Name
Age
House
Family Line
Dated Hermione Granger
You are well known for Being the youngest Seeker after Harry Potter. Go you!!
Percentage of student body you shagged - 23%
How do the staff and students feel about you They LOVE you
This cool quiz by lady_ameily - Taken 136320 Times.
</a>
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology

1 comment|post comment

[06 Jul 2004|10:50pm]
Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...mysterious
Your hugs are...to die for
Your eyes...sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...irresistable
Your smell is...exotic
Your smile is...hypnotising
Your love is...eternal
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
post comment

giselle's aunt [06 Jul 2004|09:34pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

so i just read giselle's journal...her aunt from cost rica passed. my heart breaks for her. it's sad when someone you love passes away. it has got to be one of the hardiest things someone has to go through. when i read that her aunt passed and how sudden it was it made me think about when blake, chris, and aaki passed away. my heart still weaps for them...i hope her heart heals. she wants to go to costa rica to be with her cousins but she doesnt have the money to fly out there and stuff. if i could i would give her the money so she could be with her family. i im'd her and told her that i would say an extra prayer for her and her family tonight and that i would be here for her to talk if she needs me. she said thank you and that it meant a lot. it seems like everyone who i care about is hurting right now and i cant do anything about it...

post comment

sick and more [04 Jul 2004|10:14pm]
[ mood | sick ]

so i started my period and i stayed in my room until 6 30 today. i slept on the floor because whenever i dont feel well that is just somthing i do to make myself feel better. i could barely walk without fainting though. i was losing a lot of blood, weak, and i havent been eating much lately (not by choice. body just wont let me kind of). i hate how i get a period. these are one of the only times i wish i was a guy. i use to want to get my uterus taken out because of it...im slowly wanting to again. lol. i was going to bitch about TROY...but im not. im just going to say this. i hated paris. i hated helen. i loved everyone else. well im going to go now.

post comment

stuff [03 Jul 2004|04:18pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

im in a good mood today. im going to the movies with two of my favortie people (mal and joyce) so i can finally see TROY. im stoked over it. now im sitting chating with my friend cassandra from MN, who has a crush on me and makes me feel good about myself. but i wouldn't do anything with her. why? well, she's 15 (jailbaite), lives in MN, and i like her as a friend and want to keep it that way. but i like flirting with her. it's alot of fun. well, im off. im going to keep chating and in about a hour or two im going to go drink an adult beverage and watch my buffy dvd (season 5) i need to go buy season 6 and whe seven comes out get that one too. well update later.

2 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]